I Never Knew Love Would Hurt This Fucking Bad.

For some reason, whenever I hear the song “Heart Attack” by Trey Songz, I’m astonished at just how strongly he can make you feel the pain in his voice with just a few words.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the song and the lyrics in their entirety, but each and every time that I’ve heard the song on the radio it just doesn’t have the same affect on my senses as when I play the explicit version.  One word:"fucking", changes the entire dynamic of the song.  I guess it’s just a word I can relate to, or maybe it’s the way he sings it and actually feels it that makes me relate to the pain of heartbreak.  I’ve been there one too many times myself, so I know what that’s like.  

A few days ago a friend of mine posted a message about heartbreak on her twitter account.  I immediately asked her if she was ok because the message read so painfully to me.  If that make sense?  Anyway, she responded with: Im ok but heartache sucks.”  I thought about what to say for a second and then my fingers just started typing away on their own.  My response: :( it does suck, but to experience heartache means one has the chance to experience great love again.  After my fingers were done typing and sending that message, I began to think about what they wrote and I realized how true that statement was.  I guess I’m getting wiser with age and experience.  Experience being the many times my heart has been broken over the years and finally realizing that what comes after that pain is love.  ― 

The last time my heart was broken was a few years back now.  I want to say it was 2009 when it happened.  It was someone that I loved a ton but came to realize that we were just not meant to be early on.  I don’t really know if it was the fact that I knew we weren’t made for one another that hurt more than the actual break up, I just know that it was so painful.  When Trey sings: Never knew love would hurt this fucking bad, worse pain that I ever had, it brings me back to that moment in time of pain, when I too felt that the heartache in my chest was the worse pain I had ever experienced in my life.  That pain would resonate from my chest down to the pit of my stomach, and boy did it hurt.  No.  It actually FUCKING hurt.  

"It’s killing me, swear I never cried so much" ― Trey Songz [Heart Attack]

A man that can cry, is a man that can love ― CP’12


I too thought that I couldn’t breathe when my heart was broken.  I thought that my heart would surely give in because the pain in my chest was unbearable in my mind.  But, the heart attack never arrived ― an angel did instead. 

Today I look back and I’m grateful for that minor stroke that my ex gave me, because at the end of that painful rainbow, there was the most beautiful pot of gold I had ever seen in my life.  

CP'12

L U M. X - P