HB t.

I’d rather live in a world where you never existed than to be dead to you in a world that does. 

HB t. 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014. 

The Truest Colors

I was taught to take good care of the things that we love the most and want us to last us a long time. I was taught to carefully wash my hats with a soft cotton rag, some cold water, and a little bit of soap so that the hat wouldn’t lose its form, but also so that it could always look clean and crisp.

I was taught that sneaker laces can be washed, or easily replaced. I was taught that rubbing alcohol should not be used on certain materials because it causes them to turn yellow over time, and that hot water can simply make other colors fade right away. 

I was taught that your bathtub should always be white, and that if the track on its floor is black, then it is dirty, which means that there is room for it to be cleaned, contrary to popular belief. 

I was taught that sweaters should be folded and never hung, and that people that don’t squeeze toothpaste tubes from the bottom up are lazy in almost every aspect of life; lazy readers, lazy thinkers and illogical minds. 

It is because of these things that I always figured that you should take good care of the people that you love, too. Because if you take good care of them then they would last in your life for a long time, and maybe until forever..

I thought my ability to provide you stability,
Was what was really G—okay, silly me. Fabolous, “Pachangas”

Over time I have learned that how good we treat someone should have zero to do with us wanting to keep them forever because that is not up to us. How long someone stays with us is less about us and more about them. 

'I really hate when you say that you know me because who I was yesterday is not who I am today, and who I am today, is not who I will be tomorrow.’

Now does what I am saying make sense? about the people that choose to stay in our lives, or choosing to leave them having nothing to do with us, and everything to do with them? 

Treat the things you want to keep in your life for a long time good because you care. Take good care of them because that is who you have always been, and then they can never see anything else but the truth from you when they want to dig deep. You will never disappoint them for as long as they stay in your circle because what they are seeing are your very truest colors. 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014

written by Cyrus Pavel for Et Musique Pour Tous. 

I Like A Girl…

I like girls that don’t care to get their hair wet. Girls that could care less if the top of the car is down as their hair blows everywhere. I like girls that like to climb rocks with me and explore different worlds together. I don’t like girls that go to a different part of this same planet to do the same exact shit they would do at home. Girls that tan, drink frosty beverages by the pool and are more concerned with the evenness of their tans than they are with actually living. 

I like girls that want to do different things for their birthdays instead of the same ole dinners and club nights. I like girls that look at weddings like a waste of money, instead of the fairy tale setting that could end up meaning nothing. You don’t have to agree with me, this is my blog. 

I like girls that can wake up and not shower and not wear any make up for a day, and they can let their hair down or bunch it up because it’s more about being comfortable in “their own skin”, than looking pretty for a bunch of other catty bitches and desperate mongrels. 

I like a girl that has zero inhibitions about where a kiss can be given, at any time, at any place. A girl that will accept a kiss in church, or in front of her friends and family. A girl that loves kisses no matter how many strangers are staring. I like a girl that won’t always wait for me to ask or give her a kiss, and instead will ask and give me her kisses whenever she feels like it too. 

I like a girl that can laugh at herself and along with me when I laugh at myself. A girl that can tell me that her ex made her feel sad and hurt, not because she still wants anything to do with him, but simply because she has a heart. I love that type of honesty. The kind that will tell me that she misses her ex one day, not because she wants to be with him ever again, but because that is how life is, and that is how we as humans are built; thinking anything else and any other way about life is pure psychosis or delusion. We all miss those people in our lives that have impacted our lives in some way, some of us are just better at forgetting sooner than others, that’s all. 

I like a girl that can admire the road too as we drive for hours and not have to say a word. Not that I like a girl that can shut the fuck up because I love a girl that can talk to me about her day and her life as I listen quietly, but just a girl that can sit there with me and know that she is on my mind as I admire the beauty of the world, and as she is right there next to me. 

I like a girl that won’t move when I lay my head on her chest to listen to her heart beating. I like a girl that won’t flinch when I lower my head to kiss her ass softly with my lips. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t really like any of you bitches. Present company excepted. 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014 

“When the day comes that I don’t respond to you ever again is how you will come to learn that you no longer exist to me, and then you will crave me so badly that it will destroy every single part of you—every relationship that you have ongoing and have just known, and every love that you thought you made after me. And they will all become and seem so pointless to you that your life will need to be evaluated by your own mind, in turn, becoming the same insecure girl that I escaped from years ago.”
— Cyrus Pavel. 2014

Your Leo Season is Meaningless to Me.

Every single energy that I meet and encounter, and every single energy that I interact with: shows me, and teaches me more about myself. Through these energies I am able to learn where I don’t want to be, and, who and what kind of energies I NEVER want to be around again.

I learn what kind of kisses I love, and what kind of kisses I can do without. I learn what kind of words I will allow to be said to me, and I learn every single phrase I will never again accept near my circumference. 

A bottle of wine, sitting on its lonesome in a corner of the Liquor Store may go unnoticed, but it is me who will be the logical philosopher to remind every single patron in the store that wine is like the lottery. It is like the lottery because unless you have had it before, you have no idea if you will LOVE it or not, so why not try it?

LOVE the quality of my life to be as peaceful as all FUCK. I love the quality of my life to be drama-free, and so, in the interim of me attempting to achieve that, I will cut off everything and every single body that contradicts that philosophy; regardless of how long I know them, and regardless of how important they thought they were to me and my life… I have done it successfully before, and I will continue to do so in the pursuit of happiness. 

NO ONE in my life will ever be that impactful or powerful to me, or above me. I am the only GOD in my life. 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014. FUCK YOUR LEO SEASON. I AM A DRAGON.

I Keep Old Sneakers.

I keep my blue chucks next to my red ones. I keep my black chucks next to my grey ones. I keep my New Balances together, and my brown boots all in the same place. I keep my rain boots next to a mound of umbrellas, and I keep my black dress shoes all in the same space. I keep all of my Prada sneakers tucked away in boxes somewhere that I barely see them all year because I just don’t wear them anymore, and I keep all of my Nike Dunks in the same manner, just on another side of the closet. 

I keep the places that I love the most to myself because these places become second and third homes, in my mind, to me. Restaurants, bars, tiny nooks hidden within random blocks of this city that I love so much. This is probably why beautiful girls have always fallen in love with me—my way of appreciating every bite of a delicious dish that is in front of me, with patience and pedantic savoring. 

 I keep my heart on silent mode and locked at all times with a private pin. Sometimes, as it may only seem that I am carelessly entering the pin number in plain view, it really is my way of saying that you can have it. I won’t openly give it to you though, unless of course you ask me for it, and you won’t ever hear my heart vibrate or ring, so asking is the only way to know the answers to your questions. Although, the twinkle in my eye serves as the notification light you are searching for. 

I keep the former loves of my life tucked into different compartments of my heart as well. Like the way I keep my Nikes and Pradas on separate sides of the closet. Some of them go forgotten until I open up a box and realize that I even had them there, and some of them are always remembered, I just don’t ever open those boxes at all because I know that my style has changed so much since then that I won’t ever wear them again.

Cyrus Pavel. 2014

Une Fable.

New energies take over spaces reserved for the old ones. I can only attribute it to life happening, me being a warrior and an explorer, and a bit of fate that was written in for me before I got here and came to be. 

Hurting you becomes less important. In fact, it becomes so unimportant that it is only when you cry that I feel anything. It is only when the tears come rolling down your cheeks, and when your heartbeats start to wither away that I realize how much you still love me. 

I have a story to tell you, a fable per say. 

There was once a bear who was in love with another. He loved the way she stuck sunflowers and lilies in her hair each and every sunny morning. He loved the way she bathed in mud whenever the morning brought rain. No matter the weather, she always managed to put on a smile bigger than the sun and the moon and the stars whenever she saw this little bear. He loved every single morning, and the weather became irrelevant. 

One morning, after many moons had passed, he brought over a rose that he had found on a path somewhere in the forest. Alas, his little crush was nowhere to be found. He waited until the moon came up, went down, and the sun showed its bright orange face again. He waited, right there, through many moons and many more suns, until one day, months later, he passed out from not eating or drinking a thing. 

Little Bear, wake up”, said an angelic voice. He began to open his eyes and was blinded by the sun so he couldn’t really make out a face. He thought that he was either dead and waking up in Bear Heaven, or that his little crush had come back to him. As he was able to regain his strength and sit back up, he could not recognize the face he saw in front of him. He did notice that her eyes twinkled in a way he had never seen before, and that her smile was as stunning as any other one he had ever known. 

The little bear survived. Eventually, he and his new little crush had more little bears together, and they lived in pure bliss forever after—her with a rose in her hair which he brought to her on all the sunny mornings, and him with her holding onto him tightly on the mornings which it rained. 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014.

The Rush?

What’s the rush to get to where you are going? 

How about when you take the train from now on, you alternate what car you get on and into each day? Forget that the first car or the middle one are right by the staircase that you have to run up to get to where you are going faster. What’s the rush anyway? 

How about you walk home a different way from time to time? How about you try a different restaurant and a different dish? How about you try that fruit you never heard of, and sip on that spirit you never even knew existed? 

What’s the rush to get to where you are going anyway? 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014

Be Alright.

Don’t back me into a corner because I will either pull into my shell or burn you with my fire. Don’t ask me things that are irrelevant and do not pertain to you because I won’t respond. Don’t lie to me thinking that I won’t care because when your energy tells me that you are lying I become aware that there is a lie, it’s how you handle it that makes me care or not. 

Don’t tell me that you love me unless you mean it. Don’t talk about forever, ever. 

I won’t call you my muse. I won’t pry into your past or the parts of your life that you don’t want to share; not because I don’t care, but because I do. 

Don’t respond if you don’t want to talk to me. I don’t need those kind of people in my life, so simply stay away and I will always be alright. 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014

Realitream.

I keep having dreams about a woman I have never met that keep getting realer and realer. Her face gets more detailed. Her body and scents are becoming more detailed. Is it possible that sooner than later I won’t even want to wake up from these dreams?

These dreams are literally becoming another world. A world where the scenarios are just as real as this one. A world that excites me, but is soooo different than this one. 

In this world that I wake up from, I have very real conversations; conversations that are continuations of conversations that I have in this world…

What if… What if I started a tumblr account in the dream world, but under a different pen name? 

Hmmm.

Cyrus Pavel. 2014

Humility is the key…

I don’t want to feel as if you only lOOk for me when you need a fix of me because I have felt that enough in a lifetime to know that I don’t care for it, nor do I want, or need it in my life. 

I love the way she can’t be without me. I love the way she demands my time because I always DEMAND it right back. 

If three years ago you would have told me that I would be HERE—I may have fought vigorously to have you committed. 

I spent this past weekend up in the Catskills with some family, and it was there where I regained my balance. It was there where I first learned to, and ever have, fished. It was there where I learned how influential an athletic human could be. It was there where I found my love and passions for: baseball, women, and   l  o  v  e. 

"Humility" is the KEY to long-lasting friendships.

Cyrus Pavel. 2014

All the fun in “Forever”.

The deeper it gets now, the more the memories fade. The more those memories fade, the less I remember. 

We wish for some things to be forever, but we forget to realize that forever is much too long for explorers. Places you have seen and been to, people you have met and connected with, they all fall to the allure of the new and the now. 

Don’t blame me for forgetting you, simply be happy that I can stay in my now and live a life of bliss and happiness, forever. 

There actually is all the fun in forever. 

Cyrus Pavel. 2014