“Whenever I lose a soldier to the construct, I die just a little…. I die because I know that losing a soldier to this construct, is like losing a little brother, or, a little sister. Yes!, it is EXACTLY like losing a sibling…”
— cp’14 #harvestmoon 

Unexpected.

If I tell you not to touch the fire, you run off to grab the flame. 

When I tell you not to go down the path to the right, you pretend that you don’t even see the path on the left. 

I have told you not to go swimming in those murky waters only to see you skinny dip next to sharks. 

If I tell you not to look down, I’m the one that has to end up picking you up from the tightrope. 

When I tell you to close your eyes, you put on your glasses to see. 

I am done telling you what you already know, so why not tell you what you never expect to hear. 

cp’14

corazoncito.

Sometimes our hearts beat so loudly that they drown out all of the other noises that surrounded us. They beat so loudly that all of the old noises go unheard and get lost in the background. 

Sometimes our hearts race so fast that they leave all of the past aches behind them. Sometimes, they race so fast that they run past all of their old wounds and forget that they ever occurred. 

Sometimes our hearts are treated tenderly and held gently in loving hands. Sometimes they are at peace, beating quietly because nothing is wrong. 

cp’14

like butterflies.

In my dream I wake up to find you laying next to me. While I’m preparing to wake up from my dreams, I often wonder if I will wake up to that reality. While I’m awake, I go on with my days as if they were simply all one long dream, and as I sleep, I go on with my dreams as if they were simply one long day. 

Sometimes, whenever it is grey where you are, it gets grey around me. It’s like on regular days I see more colors than anyone else. The sky looks 3,000 shades of blue and the ocean looks 8,000 shades of green. The sun looks like 2,000 shades of oranges and yellows, and the flowers look as if they belong to a different planet altogether. But, on your grey days, it’s as if a filter is put over my eyes and everything is dull here. 

Energy travels over seas like a butterfly. Sure, it moves in the most beautifully erratic patterns, but at the end of the day it gets to where it has to go, and continues to live as it is supposed to do so. 

There was a time when I stood at the edge of the sand to watch the sea plant kisses on the land. Now I walk along the shores of the world to find what I am searching for because it is right there, where I left it, that I will find it once again. 

cp’14

Just Go

Sometimes I can see my own future and it makes me worry even less about life. If you know me then you know that I am super positive about everything, almost always happy, and that it takes a lot for anything to bring me down, so worrying even less is like knowing that things will always be ok. And that’s thing right there, that I somehow feel as if no matter what path I take, I will be just fine. 

There are many things that we want to do in our lives, especially as we are growing into ourselves. Hobbies that we desire to take on, places that we wish to see, movements that we wish to join, and sometimes rules to this life that we wish we could change. But we can. We can do all of these things if we really want to. 

Last night I watched a show that contained the infamous character Al Capone in it. Watching that made me realize that he decided on the character he wanted to be and then he embraced it, becoming it until the day he died. He never for one second let go of the character he was playing in this life because the moment he did that then the character would be just another facade, so he understood that in order to be something you must be it every single day of this life, and every single second. 

Do you know who you want to ultimately be? Are you the house wife that is married to a powerful man with money? Are you the philandering husband that is married just for show? Will you be like your sister and marry who the world around you thinks you should marry? Will you be like your cousin and take on the profession that others have chosen for you? Will you stop yourself from travelling the world because of fears that have been instilled in you, or will you move away, scared maybe, but without a single regret because it is what YOU always wanted to do?

Free yourself. Only you have the power to do so. 

cp’14

September 17th, 2014.

I guess we should write about whatever comes to our minds because we can. You can write about your cats and I can write about the loves that come and go in my life. You can write about history, and I can continue writing about mines. 

Writing is a pleasure to me, but every now and then I get stuck overthinking what to write about. 

A couple of years ago an engineer I know was in the studio with Kanye watching him ponder for hours about what to tweet. I get that sometimes we have to choose what we are saying carefully, and I guess that when we are in the public eye we must do so with even more caution… But, no. 

We need to write what we feel because it is the only way we can grow. It is that very growth that will make us stronger in the long run, and it is the journey of that very growth that will make people appreciate what we write. 

I don’t pretend to have any answers, but I do know that logic runs scarce in these parts, and maybe it’s because I horde it as much as possible. 

Remember, some of the things I write here are my own personal notes. This is more for me than for anything else. I wouldn’t call it my journal, but it helps to think of it that way sometimes. Cyrus is the writer that lives inside of the person some of this world knows, so the diaries of daily activities only exist in forms of dreams and visions that I will translate into my books. 

Books? Yea. They are on the way. I decided on a novel that I think most of you will love because who doesn’t love a love story? 

cp’14

“I can write, but why the fuck should I write for the likes of you?”
— cp’14

Potes = Poetic Notes.

Sometimes the flow of energy is all you need to feel in order to know the truth about something. It’s like how body language experts believe that where your toes are pointing is where your interest lies. 

Sometimes, it’s your eyes that tell the truth no matter what the words coming out of your mouth are saying, and there are people that can spot that right away. 

Sometimes, I just choose to believe whatever it is that you tell me because it is much more beautiful than the truth, and I get that. 

cp’14

“Some things are better left to the privacy of the people living through it.”
— Cyrus Pavel
“Numbers: a system of metrics devised to count real things.”

La Faim.

I write because it is the only thing that can entertain me at all times. Socializing with others that can only be redundant in the topics they choose to discuss is something I am learning to hate more and more. Not that I have ever loved it, but because hate is a word that you all respect. Anyway, I try my hardest to be sociable and avoid becoming asocial, but it gets harder and harder. 

They say that if we are constantly finding ourselves in scenarios and situations that we don’t want to be in, that we should look into changing the people we are surrounding ourselves by. But, what happens when change catches you with even worse people? 

Maybe what I want does not exist. I thought it wasn’t much. I really thought it would be simple to meet people that love to discuss ideas rather than people who just want to talk about the vacation that they just went onas if I could give two shits. I want to discuss ideas and theories. I want to talk about what is happening around the world right now, at the very least. 

How about this: show me songs and lyrics that I may have never heard, but that are also exceptionally good. Don’t talk to me about the songs and dances that are the latest social trend or craze. Talk to me about a chord progression that is deliciously hypnotizing instead. Don’t talk to me about the latest opinion piece on Refinery 29 about why brunch in LA is so much better than brunching in NYC.. No. Instead, talk to me about the latest great read that you haven’t been able to put down, pulling the book out on every train ride the moment you step through the closing doors. The kind of book that you keep a kindle version to on your smartphone, just in case. 

I guess I see why some people change their friends more than others. I mean, I still can kick it with the friends I have that do all of these things I don’t want to be around. But, less and less, I find myself searching for something more from everyone around me. I can’t be around someone who has their smartphones in front of them, bouncing from device to device to answer people, favor tweets, double tap their screens or send out an email or text. I can’t hang with the girl that wants to talk about why she is so good at what she does, all the time.

I have a hunger and a passion for learning and if I can’t get these things from people, then I know I can always rely on my addiction to writing, which stems from my addiction to reading for it. 

CP’14

“The greatest love stories never get written because those are the ones that almost didn’t happen.”
— Cyrus Pavel

In Love or Love?

Love becomes a seesaw when we choose to love selfishly. By loving selfishly I am referring to loving someone because you want them to love you back; loving someone because it is convenient for you to do so, and because you find yourself lonely if you don’t have that sort of energy taking up space. I mean, loving someone because you want them to love you back instead of loving them because you love everything about them. 

Falling in love with someone takes time. I used to think that falling in love was less important than actual love, but I have come to realize that falling in love is actually more important. 

In today’s society, we use the word love more than we use any other word. People love others, or think that they do, for all of the wrong reasons, and so with those kind of scenarios being more common we begin to see that true love has shifted into being head-over-heels for someone rather than just saying you love them. 

Words that do not match deeds are unimportant." —Ernesto Che Guevara

Falling in love takes time. It takes us getting over disagreements, and more importantly getting over our pasts. Falling in love takes time. It takes us knowing what our weaknesses are and then protecting one another from them. Falling in love trumps love because in this day and age nobody knows what love really is. 

Cyrus Pavel

Some people should not write.

When she is with the writer she wants to write. When she is with the painter then she wants to paint. When she is with the movie director she wants to film. When she is with the photographer she is a photographer. 

But, she is nothing at all even when she tries to be everything, so all of it just sucks. 

Be yourself. Don’t write poems because you are not writing them for the love of words and poetry, but instead just writing them for yourself. You see, that is the difference between my writing and yours, where my writing exists to make the world better, yours only exists when you need your own world to get better. 

Cyrus Pavel